Empathy is one of the most important skills for children to learn. Understanding how other people feel helps them to respond appropriately in social situations, to be compassionate, and to make friends. In this post I share practical ideas for how you can teach empathy to kids from an early age.
1. model empathy
Be empathetic in how you interact with your children and others in your life. Children learn all about relationships by observing the important adults in their lives. To model empathy, acknowledge other people’s feelings and experiences when you communicate and be compassionate.
2. support your child to see the perspective of others
You can help your child to develop their capacity to understand other peoples’ points of view through daily activities such as reading books, watching shows together and imaginative role play activities (e.g. open-ended play with figurines, soft toys, or dolls). Discuss how the characters might be feeling in each situation and what an appropriate response may be. You can also discuss different feelings and perspectives when intervening in sibling or friendship disagreements, by helping each child to try and understand how the other child may be feeling.
3. build your child’s emotion vocabulary
A strong emotion vocabulary not only helps children to empathise with others, but also allows them to communicate their own feelings more easily. One of the simplest ways you can support your child to develop their emotion vocabulary is by labelling your own feelings throughout the day and helping your child to label theirs. For example, “I can see your body looks tense, you seem to be frustrated”. This also helps children to become more aware of visual cues for emotions.
4. validate your child’s feelings
Showing that you recognise, understand and have also experienced the same emotions your child is feeling helps them to feel supported and understood, and directly demonstrates what an empathetic relationship looks and feels like. Use language like “I see you showing me you’re feeling…” and “I’ve also felt…”
5. encourage your child to make amends
If your child hurts someone (physically or emotionally) encourage them to try and make amends. Making amends demonstrates that we have understood our behaviour has impacted negatively on someone else and that we want to help the other person feel better. Younger children will often need support with ideas on how to repair situations. For example, if your child hurts another child, you could suggest they first ask if the child is ok before they offer to get them a drink, an ice pack, a tissue or a hug.
6. acknowledge when they show empathy
Notice when your child shows empathy and help them identify what they did that was caring. Instead of praising them, focus on how their empathetic behaviour positively impacted the other person. We want children to show empathy towards others because they feel good behaving kindly and can see it builds positive relationships, rather than as a way to get praise.
7. cultivate a culture of kindness
Model and encourage being helpful both at home and within the community. Adopting a mindset that we all pitch in and work together helps children to feel valued and to recognise that they can make meaningful contributions. Just as with adults, children want to feel like they are important and that what they do matters, so support them to find ways to help out.
